If you're reading this because summat I blogged interested you, experience has taught me that interest begets expectation and expectation begets disappointment. Welcome to life.
Theres no “You can get better by sitting in your house” loophole then?
Full Movie with English Subtitles
Plot for those who don’t want to watch it:
Stranded in the remote Iranian village of Kuhpayeh by car trouble, a journalist is approached by Zahra, a woman with a harrowing tale to tell about her niece, Soraya, and the bloody circumstances of Soraya’s death, by stoning, the previous day. The two sit down as Zahra recounts the story to Freidoune, who records the conversation with his tape recorder. The journalist must escape with his life to tell the story to the rest of the world.
Ali’s marriage to the teenager is conditional on Ali’s ability to save the girl’s father, who has been sentenced to death for an unspecified crime. The mullah proposes that Soraya becomes his temporary wife in exchange for protection and monetary support for Soraya and her two daughters. Soraya refuses. Soraya has two sons whom Ali wants, and who have both turned against her. Some days following the incident, a woman dies. The mullah, the village’s mayor, and Ali ask Zahra to persuade Soraya to care for the widower. Zahra suggests that Soraya may do the job if she is paid.
Soraya starts working for the widower, and Ali plans to use the unusual circumstance to spread lies that Soraya is being unfaithful to him so that she will be stoned and he can remarry. Ali also knows if Soraya were dead, he would not have to pay child support. Ali and the mullah start a rumor about Soraya’s infidelity so they can charge her with adultery. One day while Zahra is walking in town, she realizes that a rumor has spread that her niece is being unfaithful to her husband.
Ali and the mullah need one more “witness” to Soraya’s “infidelity” to be able to formally charge her. They visit the widower at home and, using threats, manipulate the widower into agreeing to back up their story. Soon after, Ali drags Soraya through the streets, beating her and publicly declaring that she has been unfaithful. Zahra intervenes and takes her niece, Ali, the Mullah, and the Mayor of the village to her house to talk privately. They bring the widower to the house and after he lies and says that they had engaged in adultery, a trial is pursued. Only men are allowed while Soraya is confined with some women in her house. She is quickly convicted. Zahra tries to flee with her and after realizing she cannot, goes to plead with the mayor for Soraya’s life, even offering to switch places with Soraya. The conviction is upheld though, and as they are preparing for the stoning, the Mayor prays to Allah for a sign if they are not doing the right thing.
Before the actual stoning can begin, a traveling carnival van comes through and tries to perform their act. They are shooed away, where they wait by the sidelines as the stoning begins. Soraya’s father disowns her as he is given the first stone to throw but he misses her repeatedly. A woman in the crowd pleads to the mayor that the stones missing are a sign Soraya is innocent, but none of the men listen. Ali takes up stones and throws them himself. Her two sons are also forced to throw stones. The widower is given two stones to throw but instead walks away in tears. The crowd finally joins in and Soraya is stoned to death.
Zahra is heard narrating the story to the journalist about her niece. Around this time, the mullah and the widower are informed by Ali that his marriage to the teenage girl is off, implying that he could not spare her father from execution. The widower then admits that he was coerced by Ali and the mullah into lying. As the journalist attempts to leave with his belongings and collect his vehicle after it has been repaired by the widower, the mullah orders a Revolutionary Guard to stop him at gunpoint. They seize his tape recorder and destroy all of the tapes. But as the journalist prepares to drive away, Zahra appears out of an alley with the true tape in her hand. Zahra screams that the God that she loves is great and now the whole world will know of the injustice that has happened
DO YOU HAVE COMPANY COMING OVER, BUT YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE SMOKE OR YOUR MOLD EXPERIMENTS OR CAT PISS OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT?
WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME BRILLIANT, BECAUSE THIS SHIT ISN’T EDIBLE, BUT IT’LL MAKE YOUR HOUSE SMELL LIKE A GODDAMN CHURCH CHOIR SINGING HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH IN YOUR NASAL PASSAGE! (YOU SHOULD GET RID OF WHATEVER’S STINKING UP YOUR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE AS WELL, MORON)
RUN YOUR CLASSY ASS OVER TO THE STORE AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE PREPARED FOR THE MIND-FUCK OF THIS SHIT. YOU’LL WANT 1 ORANGE, A SMALL BAG OF CRANBERRIES, 3 CINNAMON STICKS, GROUND CLOVES, NUTMEG, 2 LEMONS, ROSEMARY AND VANILLA.
THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THAT YOU CAN COOK, BECAUSE CLASSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS NEED VARIETIES IN THEIR LIFE!
THE FIRST IS ‘CHRISTMAS’ AND THE SECOND DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN NAME, BUT IT’S FUCKING WONDERFUL.
ONLY HAVE ONE POT OF THIS SHIT GOING, IT’S CRAZY POWERFUL.
CHOP UP THE ORANGE, SKIN AND ALL, BECAUSE YOU DON’T JOKE AROUND WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT.
USE YOUR WARRIOR STRENGTH TO BREAK THE CINNAMON STICKS IN HALF, LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF SNAPPING THE FEMURS OF DRAGONS BEFORE YOU SUCKED THE MARROW OUT.
THROW THE ORANGE AND CINNAMON STICK PIECES INTO THE POT, OR IF YOU’RE NOT CONFIDENT WITH YOUR AIM, YOU CAN SET THEM GENTLY INSIDE. SHOVE A SMALL SPOONFUL OF NUTMEG AND A SMALL SPOONFUL OF CLOVES INTO THE POT.
THEN FILL THAT FUCKER UP WITH WATER UNTIL THERE’S ONLY AN INCH OF LEEWAY BETWEEN THE WATER AND EDGE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A DAREDEVIL MOTHERFUCKER.
NOW SET YOUR STOVE TO A LOW-MEDIUM SETTING, AND LEAVE IT SITTING THERE TO MARINATE IN IT’S OWN QUIET ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH. DON’T COVER THIS FUCKER, BECAUSE THE SMELL OF IT IS GOING TO INVADE YOUR ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE.
THAT WHICH WILL NOT BE NAMED
THE OTHER VERSION OF BOILING POTPOURRI ONLY HAS LEMONS, ROSEMARY SPRIGS AND VANILLA.
RIP THE LEMON INTO CHUNKS WHILE SOLVING THREE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES IN YOUR HEAD AND YELLING AT YOUR FLATMATE TO LEAVE YOUR OTHER EXPERIMENTS ALONE, THEN BE A CHAMPION BY NOT USING A MEASURING TOOL WHEN SPLASHING 1 TABLESPOON OF VANILLA INTO THE POT.
TOSS IN THE ROSEMARY SPRIGS AFTER YOU’VE STARED THEM INTO SUBMISSION.
FILL THAT SUCKER WITH WATER AND PUT IT ON THE HEAT.
YOU LEAVE IT ON FOR 2 HOURS AT THE START OF THE DAY, THEN TURN IT ON AGAIN AN HOUR BEFORE GUESTS GET TO YOUR HOME AND LEAVE IT ON ALL EVENING.
TAKE A WHIFF UP CLOSE EVERY FEW HOURS, BECAUSE THE FRUIT WILL START TO SMELL WEIRD AT THE END OF THE DAY AND THAT’S WHEN YOU TURN IT OFF.
WHEN YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE THEY’LL HAVE TO STEP BACK AND EXCLAIM “HOLY MOTHERFUCKING TITS, THIS IS ONE CLASSY HOME”
Not gonna lie, I’m mostly reblogging this because reading it is so thoroughly enjoyable.
I really love aggressive recipes
By Nick Dolding
I had that once a few years ago in the summer when I stayed in Kensington and had to get a train super early in the morning to Stansted. It was a Sunday and I somehow got lost in the City. It was creepy.
If you don’t think I’m cute that’s your problem not mine
1. Always post the rules
2. Answer the questions the person who tagged you has written and write 11 new ones
3. Tag 11 people and link them to your post
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them the questions
Questions Asked by Ellierose101:
1. What makes you excited to be alive?
Seeing something that makes me realise my existence is irrelevant.
2. What is your biggest accomplishment/what are you most proud of?
I’m impressed that I actually finished my degree, because there were more than a few times when I didn’t think I would.
3. What do you regret from 2013?
Not much I had a lot of fun in 2013 lol . I guess not thinking through certain decisions thoroughly enough.
4. What do you wish for future generations?
That their eyes are opened to what is truly important and how much power they actually have.
5. What does family mean to you?
6. What’s the furthest you’ve been from home?
Brazil. Thats 5,899 miles.
7. Do you usually bottle up feelings or let them flow freely?
Bottle em up.
8. Do you like rollercoasters?
9. Have any scars?
10. Have you ever seriously thought you were gonna die?
I don’t think so. I’ve felt like I could die if the situation worsened but I’ve never felt it was a sure thing.
11. What’s the one thing you can do today to make the world a better place?
Be unnecessarily nice to the next 3 people you come across, regardless of how they treat/ have treated you.
Eleven New Questions:
1.Where do you visualize yourself in 5 years, 10 years?
2. Have you had an experience you would say has impacted the direction of your life?
3. Have you had to make an important decision that affected the direction of your life?
4. Are there people you don’t like? Are there people that don’t like you?
5. Where do you consider being places for romance?
6. What has been your most embarrassing moment?
7. Are you ever bored?
8. What are good leisure activities a family should try to do together?
9. Do you still have some feeling for your Ex?
10. What is your definition of emotional intimacy?
11. What do you think of this expression: Where there was fire, ashes remain.
“Start on January 1st with an empty jar. Throughout the year write the good things that happened to you on little pieces of paper. On December 31st, open the jar and read all the amazing things that happened to you that year.”
I’m reblogging this again, to remind people that reblogged this earlier in the year with the “I’M GOING TO DO THIS” comments. Now, here it is. I’m reminding you. You said you would do this. Now join me and start this Tuesday.
Beauty or brains?
Fuck that, it’s not a dichotomy. Let’s not act like mascara glues girls eyes so shut that they can’t read a word of Dickens or solve a trig problem. Let’s talk about how no boy has ever been asked if he’d rather get his Bachelor’s or get married; no boy has ever been told that he’s too handsome to run for office. So why cover up my tits so you can take me seriously?
Beauty or brains? I’ll take ‘em all, thanks.
Slam fuckin’ dunk thank u
Best advert of my childhood.